Breathless

Suddenly, out of nowhere, life has kind of slapped me in the face. Almost like, “um, excuse me Liz, look at all of the beautiful things you are missing right now.” And everything has been so different, so shiny. Honestly. I know this sounds stupid, and you have no idea what I’m even talking about.

I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately worrying all the time about something or other, and it doesn’t do me any good, it never has. And then suddenly, I was just over it. It’s kind of like those ridiculously corny quotes that bubbly sixteen year olds post on their Facebook all the time. They post pictures of themselves all dressed up standing next to a date on the way to prom or their homecoming, and you think to yourself, “STOP. Just stop.” and you scroll right past them. Which isn’t the nicest thing to say, but we’re all thinking it because of the horrible quote usually attached to the corny picture. The quote is normally something along the lines of “learning how to dance in the rain” or something like that.

And you suddenly think to yourself, “wow, I hope people don’t feel this way about me.” Or at least this happens to me. And then you start changing, thinking about what you say and how you will be perceived and you pay more attention to little details because the person with the corny quote on your social media site was a wake up call to you. A slap in the face. It opened your eyes.

I’m sure I’m not making any sense, but it was one of those scrolling through Facebook moments for me. I was going through each day, and then suddenly, recently, I was just like, “Oh my God. It’s time. It’s just time.” And it was. It is. It’s time to move on. It’s time to stop worrying. It’s time to stop dwelling on things beyond my control.

Because maybe, just maybe, everything I want is already here. It’s right here and I’ve been looking past it the whole time.

Because the truth is that I can’t imagine a life without breathless moments. I can’t imagine a life full of misery and hate, dread and endless corny quotes.

What if everything I need has been here the whole time and I’ve been missing it? What if I’ve been searching for something better when there isn’t anything better? I’ve been missing it because I’ve been trying to make something else work that clearly shouldn’t work.

Life is weird sometimes; how suddenly something that has been there forever is seen differently. And you’re like, “Where did you come from?” Because it blows you away and it leaves you breathless. And then you begin to wonder, “what if, what if, what if.”

Yeah, life is kind of like that right now. And I’m kind of breathless.