I have made the big move! I’m very sore, it hurts to walk as a result of carrying a couch down two flights of curvy stairwell (not alone, of course), among a million other things, and unpacking over the last two days. The time change has also been difficult to get used to, although I’m not complaining seeing as how it’s giving off an additional hour of sunlight.
Here are a few glimpses into my new place! Don’t judge the under decorating, I still have a long ways to go, I’m just tired.
As much as I HATE the thought of another snowstorm rolling in on Wednesday and Thursday, I wouldn’t hate a couple of days off from work to actually sleep. I don’t do much of that lately.
Now that I have gotten this over with, I feel like I need to get serious. I need to get better, to feel better, to exercise more and spend more time in the sunlight.
Bathing suit weather is coming up, after all. Trust me, I have been wearing my skinny jeans, but they are a little bit snug.
This is the first time, the first time since that horrible day back in August, that I actually feel legitimately out of love with my ex. I don’t know if it’s a phase, but I’ve just felt nothing lately. I think that maybe it’s because he has continuously showed me over and over again how much of a horrible person he is, and how much he just doesn’t care for anyone except himself. It actually kind of disgusts me. For a while I thought that maybe I wanted to be his friend, and maybe I still do, but I certainly know now that I don’t want to be with him anymore, and I think that that is a good start. It might have something to do with the fact that everyone is telling me that I deserve better – that I’m too good for him. Maybe I’m starting to believe it, because after all, why would I want to continually try to grab someones attention who wants absolutely nothing to do with me? He treats me like crap, ignores me, acts like I don’t exist, and told me openly that he wants to find another girl. People are right, I do deserve better. I still feel lonely, I still miss him, I still miss his attention and being able to talk to him every single day and have him actually care, but I know I can find that from someone else who isn’t him.
I know that the guy I was in love with for so long is still in there somewhere, but I can’t make him change. I can’t make him treat me well again, or be a good person again. It’s taken me forever to get to this point, but I know that it’s the right thing.
So, here’s to finally moving on. To new seasons, new guys, and new love in a new place. It was hard leaving my old apartment because of all the memories I had with him. But it’s okay, it needed to happen. It’s time to focus on my favorite season, and to change. To sunflowers, and daises. To sunshine, country music, flip flops, summer dresses, green grass, later warm nights, and late nights with my friends. Someone who treats me as badly as he does is in no way worth my time, and he certainly doesn’t deserve me anymore.
I’ll dedicate my time to something else now, someone who deserves me.